Feeling unsure about our choices might be “the new normal”
As we attempt to cope with the global pandemic, a shrunken economy, and a renewed focus on racial inequality—all at once—individuals and organizations are struggling to figure out the right thing to do.
Because I facilitate groups for leaders, I know we must offer and create a safe space for conversations—as uncomfortable as that may be for everyone. Feeling uncertain about how I should proceed, I reached out to my older and wiser mentors and asked, “How can I be of service to people I’m coaching? What do people need now?”
The consistent answer was, “People need to be seen and heard right now. Just listen.”
I felt partial relief. I can certainly listen, but that alone seems insufficient. When I reach out to my clients, I hear:
“I am feeling drained, exhausted.”
“Everything is moving so slowly.”
“Change is happening so fast.”
“I can’t achieve my usual stellar results. In fact, those large goals feel completely out of reach.”
“I know I need to network more as my company’s future seems uncertain, but how do you build relationships in the middle of a pandemic?”
“I need my team to be innovative and come up with new business ideas if our company is to survive. But they seem focused on the old way of working.”
“I am losing resources, having to lay people off… and then three months later I must hire them back! It is so confusing and frustrating.”
“How do I motivate people when there will be no bonuses or meetings where I can bring their favorite donuts?”
“I am feeling out of control.”
Everyone feels like they have lost control, had to abandon their usual way of working, and are confused about how to achieve the results they have grown to expect.
Worst of all, there’s no end in sight to the chaos.
Whether they’re highly seasoned executives or just beginning their careers, whether they lead teams of half a dozen or hundreds, no one has been spared.
One of my clients, “Lisa” (names have been changed), leads a large sales support team for a major retailer. She’s usually upbeat and energetic.
During the pandemic, she was at her wit’s end after furloughing most of her sales support team in March. Then later, as sales began to rebuild, she had to rehire and rapidly retrain a team to work remotely.
Lisa had been a star performer, always exceeding her sales numbers and receiving overwhelming positive feedback from her team. As I listened to her describe her current challenges, the biggest obstacle came into focus: her perfectionist tendencies.
She was the perfect child, always received A grades, outperformed others, and received the highest performance ratings. She had high expectations for herself and her team. She thrived on setting and achieving lofty goals. Now, she felt completely adrift.
How can she motivate others when she can’t motivate herself?
When I asked her to describe her feelings, she said, “I feel like a failure.” I asked her where in her body she felt like a failure. She said, “I feel a real tightness across my chest.” I asked her to take five slow deep breaths, which calmed her down and centered her.
She was surprised how simple and effective that was. When she became calm, she was able to recognize that she was beating herself up when she and her team did not achieve the stellar results she was accustomed to.
I had to ask her one of my favorite coaching questions, “How is that working for you?”
It usually makes people laugh. Lisa smiled and admitted, “obviously, it is NOT!”
We talked about how to approach the challenges, uncertainty, and change she was experiencing. Could this be an opportunity to consider a new way of working? What might create a more motivational work environment? What motivates her?
Lisa loves to check things off her To Do list, so I recommended that she set smaller, more achievable goals for herself. She said she would give it a try and experiment with this new way of working. Her set a new work mantra, “Small goals, big wins.”
As I reflected on my coaching conversation with Lisa, I realized how difficult it was for her to admit that she felt like a failure and needed help. Like so many others, Lisa had been successful and proud of her achievements and now was at a loss.
During this epic set of disasters, some people choose to “turtle up,” as reported in a recent article about why women struggle with networking during this pandemic.1
Yet women want to connect—which is more challenging on Zoom—and the pandemic makes it easy to find excuses for not reaching out and asking for help.
Can we use this crisis as our opportunity to work differently?