Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, & Al SwitzlerIf you are going to take risks, you need to get comfortable having difficult conversations. I have read many books about influence and communication and this is one of my favorites. The book begins by defining ‘crucial conversations’ as a discussion between two or more people where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong, and notes that most of us either avoid them entirely or handle them poorly when it matters most. Based on 20 years of research involving more than 100,000 people, its main thesis is that the individuals who are the most influential and get things done are those who master this skill. It is organized in a sequential way to demonstrate the steps in having a crucial conversation:
- Begin with ‘what do you care about?’
- Make it safe for the other parties to share
- Learn how to tell your story of the situation in a persuasive but not abrasive manner, and
- Stay open to and encourage the others to share their point of view.
The book is full of many practical examples of how these techniques work. For example, one of the first stories deals with the issue of how many of us tend to want to win, which is described as a 'dialogue killer'. The authors share the story of one of their clients, Greta, CEO of a mid-sized company. She is struggling to cut costs, and most of her staff doesn’t want to comply. As a result, Greta gets angry, and focuses on winning the argument and punishing her staff, deviating from her goal of galvanizing support for the initiative. I can relate to her, as I like to win and am sure I have committed this error more times than I care to admit. The authors show how they coached Greta to focus on what she wants and use the skill of ‘start with the heart’ to get the conversation back on track.I recommend this book for everyone, whether you are new to the workplace, striving for a senior leadership role, or are a stay-at-home parent, as it can help you manage all types of challenging conversations. It has provided me with new tools that have helped me improve my relationships at home and with my clients.