Empathy as a key to change
I was visiting the lovely alpine city of Innsbruck, Austria,the home of the glacier where you can ski year round, but it was over 50 degrees, warm and windy with little snow. The only run open on my first day at the mountain was one with a T-bar (see picture to your left). To my dismay, I proceeded with horror to fall off several times since I have little experience with T-bars and never liked them. When I asked my instructor for a lesson, he explained that I need to grab it at the T and push the bar away at the top of the hill. Sounds easy enough! He offered to ride up with me to show me how but I declined, thinking I needed to master this on my own. I tried again and this time SUCCESS! ... followed by another fall. After the 4th consecutive fall, I started to feel anxious that I wouldn't be able to master it. I have been skiing for 20 years and I should be able to do this! It began to feel like mental torture every time I arrived at the bottom of the hill and saw that T-bar. I tried to accept that it will take practice but part of me simply dreaded it. The lift operator who has been watching me with a stoic face comes out of his little hut and started to lecture me on how I needed to start pushing the T-bar away earlier because I am waiting too long to let go. I tried and fall yet again, and another wave of humiliation washes over me, as a 5-year old skies around me. I decided it was time for me to take a lunch break.After lunch, I hired a ski pro, Martin, to take me to the top. Taking private lessons is my little luxury and my secret to getting myself out of my comfort zone and hopefully, away from those dreaded T-bars. We took the gondola to the top; as we ascended this steep mountain, rain finally turned to snow! I was delighted to ski down the fresh powder until I saw yet another T-bar with people heading up the mountain. I asked Martin if the chair lifts were working and shared in as calm a manner as possible that I have not quite mastered the T-bar. To my surprise, he shared that he too was tortured by the T-bar as a child and after 20 years of skiing still doesn't like them! I felt such a relief with his empathy and understanding of my fear. When he offered to ride with me on the T-bar to avoid falling, I gladly accepted. Yet, as we are riding the T-bar and approaching the end, the feeling of dread and possible humiliation takes over. Martin encouraged me to push off to the left on the flat area. I take a breath and do so...and amazingly, I am still standing! We repeat it a couple of timesand I don't fall! Hiring a handsome young Austrian ski pro is a much more efficient and enjoyable way to teach an old dog new tricks! What my instructor reminded me is the importance of empathy. Initially, I felt that my fear was pathetic and silly. My view changed when he made me realize that my fear is common (even for an Austrian pro) and that with practice I could overcome it. As someone who does coaching for a living, the reminder of how powerful a simple acknowledgement and empathy can have in helping people conquer their fears and take risks is important. Thanks Martin !