Exercise Your Network
What’s next?
To be productive in these unprecedented and uncertain times, we need to seek out advice, guidance, support, and honest feedback.
We have to manage the fear and be more intentional in the conversations we are having.
I often think about how I can best help my clients. What types of conversations am I having? Are they the right ones to help me experiment? Am I honestly seeking out candid feedback?
Recently, I asked a coaching group about the exchanges they are having during this crisis. I gave them several choices:
Ask for specific advice on an action plan
Seek guidance on path forward
Request general support
Solicit constructive feedback on past actions
Request stretch feedback to grow
Seek new ideas
What do you think were the most common answers?
About 50% of the group sought out support and guidance. Around 35% have sought out new ideas. But only about 15% of the group is soliciting constructive and stretch feedback.
We discussed the results. Participants said it’s a tough time to ask for honest feedback. Things are challenging enough—do you really want more bad news? One woman, an executive leading a large team, shared that her team gave her some tough constructive feedback and it would have felt better if she had been the one to reach out first. Given that most of us are facing unchartered waters, we need to be more intentional than ever in our quest for new ideas and feedback.
Developing a Strategy for Seeking Feedback
As someone who is Driven-to-Succeed, it is a challenge sometimes just to mention things— which is why I love this quote from Mr. Rogers:
Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.
—Fred Rogers
I know I need a push to get past the fear and uncertainty.
During a crisis, it’s critical to increase both the the amount and types of conversations you are having. Let’s define some kinds of conversations and I’ll share my journey through some chats I had: seeking advice, guidance, support, and feedback—and how I used their help.
Four Types of Conversations
GUIDANCE: Help and advice specifically focused on a specific situation or an important decision.
ADVICE: A more general opinion about what you should do or how you should act.
FEEDBACK: Information that enables you to develop or improve your current performance, usually given after an event or performance or in a coaching context. This is NOT advice. Rather, it is based on observations and can be positive and focused on developing your performance in the future (“stretch feedback”) or critical and developmental (about behaviors you can change).
SUPPORT: Agreement with, resources to implement, and/or encouragement to someone or something, because you want a person or project to succeed.
My Strategy for Conversations
To survive and thrive during this crisis, I know I need guidance from outside of my intimate circle of friends and colleagues—from my “weak ties.” Strong ties are our close friends and deeply-trusted colleagues. In contrast, weak ties are our acquaintances: people we know casually or we have met through our strong ties.
People were 28% more likely to get a new job through weak ties versus 17% from strong ties. Weak ties are more likely to open up access to a different network, facilitating the discovery of original leads.
—Adam Grant,
Give and Take
Yet seeking this guidance feels scary; I’m not sure I want to hear what they have to say. They may offer guidance beyond my comfort zone. It feels like eating more vegetables and weightlifting. But I know I need to do this, so I force myself.
One of the first people I speak to is my publishing consultant, Shel. I’ve known him for over 15 years and know he will stretch my thinking. But when he tells me I should write a new eBook, I’m still taken aback. He says, “An eBook will be a great way for you to smash your shackles of perfectionism. Write it in 20-30 hours. There’s no time to make it perfect.”
This is most definitely a push, a stretch, and a new idea. I start to freak out. How am I going to do this?
For more support, I speak to my business coach, Marty. I’ve been working with her for a decade. She helped me restart my business and create a small, profitable executive coaching practice.
First, Marty reassures me that I’m in good shape, because I’ve been working virtually for over a decade. Second, she asks me, “how does it feel when you think about writing this eBook and piloting the accompanying program?”
I reply, “It feels very exciting! I feel energized.”
“There’s your answer.” She reaffirms that I’m resilient, ready for this challenge, and competent to get past my fear.
But I still worry! Who will attend the pilot? Who will read this eBook? Is this even a good idea? I reach out to a few valued clients and coaching colleagues for guidance and support—and to test the idea.
The most significant conversation I have is with Natalie, who runs a coaching/training company. We’d done some work together. I respect her as a coach and a businesswoman, and I can trust her to be honest. She thinks the idea has potential and wants to help promote it. She encourages me to test it.
What do I have to lose? I run it by a few other valued clients and coaches, and they agree. Then, I realize that if I am going to succeed, I need advice on how to present the program. I need to get this done fast—so who can help?
I turned to Gary, my friend and favorite presentation coach. A former actor and playwright, Gary coaches executives on how to make memorable presentations. I’ve been working with him for over fifteen years. He can handle it all: advice, support, and feedback to develop an interactive learning program. When I called him and explained that I want to pilot a virtual (online) support group program that will become an eBook. I want it to be engaging—and it has to be done fast. Gary declared, “sign me up!”
Lastly, I asked my small “pilot” coaching group. They offer their perspectives on what they found most valuable and some new ideas. For example, Deborah, a public relations executive, gives me the insight to add the Growth vs. Fixed mindsets to the program (and the eBook). Interestingly, Deborah is an old friend with whom I had lost contact. She lost her job recently and reached out to me—and now we’re reconnected again. A recent article by Adam Grant, the author of Give and Take, described how these dormant ties—people with whom we haven’t talked to in a at least three years—can be surprisingly helpful. Why? It is easier to ask someone with whom we have a shared history. This rekindling of an old relationship gets me thinking, who else can I reconnect with? And this can offer valuable insights!
When I reflect on these steps, I realize that the role of all these conversations is to move me past the fear of inaction. Am I past the fear? Not yet. But I realize that I need to keep forcing myself to have some uncomfortable conversations.
For me, that means reaching out to more people, asking for stretch feedback and new ideas.
How to Stretch
Can you take small steps like these to receive more stretch and development feedback? Here are a few ideas:
Ask your boss or mentor what actions you can take to help the business/organization succeed. How have the standards or expectations changed during COVID? How can you provide the greatest assistance to the organization?
Reflect on what type of guidance and support you need to grow. Think of a time when you were most comfortable trying new things and growing: What made you feel comfortable—and how?
Identify your strongest connections and ask them if they would make some warm introductions. Tell them what you are looking for; who do they know who might be useful? For example, an easy way to do this is to look through people’s LinkedIn contacts and ask for introductions.
Make a list of those people whom you know from previous jobs or school who would fit into the category of a weak tie or more of a dormant relationship such as a Deborah. Who did you value? Who might be worth reaching out to?
Try some of these tactics and let me know how it works for you. I’d love to hear your feedback.