Why Perfectionists Need to Take a Vacation From Themselves

There is always one person in the group who thinks they can fix everyone. You know, that person who comes prepared with an arsenal of tips and remedies for any situation, whether managing the heat, staying hydrated, or dealing with traveler's stomach troubles. Well, that person is me. My husband says it comes from my mother's influence, “she always carried enough band-aids to tend to an entire basketball team!” As the eldest of her five children, I felt it was my duty always to be prepared.

This habit of wanting to help others is great in my professional life, but it can sometimes be a hindrance when I'm on vacation. It's a trait that can get in the way of truly enjoying the moment, not just for me but also for my husband. A recent small group tour in France again revealed this aspect of my personality.

During the trip, one person in the group seemed to thrive on being the center of attention, constantly one-upping everyone with stories of extravagant encounters, exotic travel destinations, and famous people she had met. Engaging with her felt like entering an endless and unrewarding competition, and it was affecting our vacation experience.

Thankfully, my husband saw what was happening and called me out. After our first particularly exhausting conversation—in which she claimed to have met King Charles and Queen Camilla and invited us to join her on a cruise on the Seine River—we had to find a way to deal with this situation without being harsh or dismissive, finding a middle ground between being respectful and ensuring our own enjoyment. We politely declined the invitation.

She continued to seek us out. We could tell that she was lonely and looking for friends. She lived in NYC and now owns a home in Boca Raton, Florida (along with three other homes) near my husband’s family. While we seemed to have things in common, the constant competitive interactions with her were draining. I needed to accept that it was not my job to befriend this woman. But we are in a small group of 20—I couldn’t ignore her for our two weeks tour. How were we going to manage this?

I didn’t feel that ignoring her or setting a harsh boundary was appropriate. My husband and I began strategizing, which is new territory for me.

We devised a simple two-pronged strategy: avoid sitting too close to her on the bus or at restaurants, and if she approached us, we would keep any interactions brief and polite. Surprisingly, this strategy worked wonders. She found other people to chat with, and gradually, she seemed to understand our boundaries. What began as an attempt to ease the situation was liberating for me.

I realized I don't have to fix everyone or befriend those who might be seeking it. It was a refreshing perspective shift. By not engaging in competitive conversations, I was open to forming genuine connections with others who could benefit from a friendly gesture. I assisted a woman with an upset stomach and another suffering from heat stroke. I even made a couple of new friends during the trip.

This experience was a significant step in my personal growth journey. It's one of the many reasons I cherish traveling—it pushes me outside my comfort zone, provides the time and space for introspection, and encourages me to try new behaviors.

As I left that annoying version of myself in France, I returned home feeling lighter, having learned the value of a balanced approach to respecting boundaries and preserving my own well-being.

Finding the middle ground is a valuable skill that will serve me well in navigating tricky situations with grace and self-preservation. It leaves me excited about the future, wondering where my next adventure will take me.