Get into the Spirit!
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The holidays are coming! This usually means that there are parties to attend, gifts to buy, and an expectation for how one SHOULD behave. Expectations tend to make us perfectionist types feel anxious because we can’t figure out how we can do everything well. This should-ing all over ourselves tends to result in us feeling overwhelmed and annoyed with our suppressed negative emotions possibly leaking out at just the wrong time! If you struggle with a feeling of being overwhelmed during the holidays, I want to offer a few ideas for how to break the should-ing trap and enjoy yourself!Recently, I was asked to coach a very successful sales professional who would laugh or show inappropriate emotions at the wrong time such as when she met with her boss. As we worked together, it became evident that the problem was caused in part because she didn’t accept and allow for her playful and introverted selves to exist. While we reviewed her list of “shoulds”, she realized how resigned she had become, with her “shoulds” consist of performing 110% at work whereas activities in her personal life were an afterthought. Once she started making time to go to the beach once a week or cook dinner for a couple of friends, she stopped showing inappropriate emotions at work. By becoming too absorbed and overly focused in her work, she wasn’t able to see what was happening. All of us have blind spots. When we have a long list of shoulds, we don’t see our blind spots. The first step to enjoying the holidays is to learn what activities energize you and to make a pact with yourself that you will find a way to incorporate at least one pleasurable experience a week into your repertoire.I plan one playful activity for each holiday. My favorite holiday is Halloween. Why? Because it gives me the opportunity to be silly and lighten up. I go trick or treating with a friend and her two girls and always dress up in some simple playful manner. This year, I was John McEnroe (the bad looking tennis player on the right), and guess what?... the most magical thing happened! As my friend and I were roaming around the West Village, we ran into two other tennis stars, Bjorn Borg and Chris Evert, trick or treating in costume too! The wonderful and unexpected can happen if follow what energizes you! The smile from one fun event can carry you through the wait in lines and other holiday thrills.Now many of you are thinking but I have this long list of things I should do including attending holiday events. If you have to attend company, personal, and industry parties, I like the idea of making an agreement with yourself, as suggested from this month’s recommended reading, Quiet by Susan Cain. First, be selective and don’t attend more than one schmooze fest per week. Second, aim to have at least one genuine conversation with someone that appears to be a win-win for both of you, versus trying to exhaust yourself and work the room. Then, go home early and take that relaxing bubble bath (…ahhhh….). Follow-up the next day and feel that you have been very productive!So, as the holidays engulf us, instead of seeing a long list of shoulds, it's helpful to see you have choices. So much of what the media stresses is about doing things for others, but if we don't pay attention to what we need, it is difficult to give to others or attend that company party with a smile on your face. This holiday make a CHOICE to do something that energizes you. Experiment with these two ideas:
Plan one energizing activity that puts a smile on your face, and
Focus on quality over quantity during the holiday networking events and other activities, such as buying gifts and sending holiday messages and cards. In other words, do less!
To read more on how to navigate those networking events, check out my friend Raleigh Mayer's (no relation!) advice on
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Wishing you all a festive holiday spirit! What will make these holidays energizing for you??