The "Should" Zone

Much to my surprise, I found out that my yikes zone is the should zone!  Who knew?  It was day 3 of the Fear clinic at Windham mountain.  This is a three day clinic for women-only that Mermer Blakeslee runs every year at Windham Mountain in the Catskills.  Mermer is a world renown ski instructor and author of In the Yikes Zone:  Conversations with Fear.  I try to go every year to get myself out of my comfort zone and ski down more challenging runs.  This year, we had horrible weather.  One day it was raining, the next day the rain froze and we skied on a sheet of ice and the third day was the best which included snow on top of ice.My surprise was that I thought the second day would have been the scariest because we were skiing down ice.  But, I didn't fall at all and skied pretty well.  My worst day came on day three when the snow was falling and the conditions were pretty good.  I fell three times and thought what is wrong with me?  I SHOULD be able to ski as the conditions are much better than the previous two days. But, instead I slid down the Wall , a very steep double black run, on my bottom.  I got up and took the snow out of my helmet, pants, gloves, and shirt while the small group of fellow women skiers said nice things to me, like don't worry about it, it was a bit scary, etc.  I thought how did that happen?  I tried to forget it but I proceeded to fall two more times as I attempted to get down to the bottom.My SHOULD  was now bordering on the ridiculous.  Forget it and go get a beer and call it a day.  But something inside me, said no, don't go to the SCOTCH  zone as Mermer calls it.  The SCOTCH zone is a reaction to pushing too hard and not giving yourself a break after being in your stretch or yikes zone.  So, my inner coach is saying, "Go back up there and come down again."  Push - push....  My ski instructor said let's just lower the task a bit and ski something easier.  My self-talk was saying well that is a WIMPY response.  I SHOULD  just do the Wall again otherwise it will haunt me. I can ski that hill.  But instead, I listened to the instructor and we did a couple of easy runs. I skied well, I enjoyed the views, and the soft snow.I realized that I needed that outside coach to get me out of that SHOULD zone.  My story has always been that you are only as good as your last win, sale, or performance.  And, if you mess up, you need to keep pushing to do it better otherwise you will never be good enough.  What the Fear clinic continues to teach me is that pushing doesn't improve performance. Instead it tends to result in injuries, burnout, bad performance, and of course the Scotch zone.  I need to learn to STOP  when I feel myself headed towards the SHOULD  zone.  Ask myself - are my standards realistic?  Am I a bad skier just because I don't want to the Wall right now?  Can I adjust to how I am feeling today?  Can I accept that I am a solid advanced intermediate skier who occasionally has a fall once in a while?  My vision is that I want to be a good skier who continues to IMPROVE and ENJOY herself most of the time. I don't plan on skiing in the Olympics, senior Olympics, or winning NASTAR ski races.This is the challenge that as we age, our comfort zone tends to shrink. I am fighting that shrinkage.  I want to keep taking smart risks and enjoying them.  I realize that means I may have to slide down the hill on my butt and it won't be pretty and sometimes losing will really hurt.  But, that is better then not being in the game.   I am learning to challenge that  SHOULD voice and ask if my standards are realistic, keep in mind the bigger vision I am going towards, lower the task if necessary  without feeling like a failure, and learning to keep a sense of humor.  This new approach to challenge my SHOULDs, will help me stay more positive which will lead me to be more creative, productive, and be open to more possibilities than if I am SHOULDING all over myself.I encourage all of you who hear yourself saying I SHOULD do X or I SHOULDN'T  have done Y, to challenge that little voice and coach yourself  (or hire a coach as I do) to believe that you are enough with or without the SHOULD.  Enjoy taking that smart risk, even the occassional fall as it may lead you to try something new or discover new possibilities.